This is the pits.....

Wednesday 28th Sept. 8:25 am. Not running today, well not at the moment, I might go later (didn't go), no teaching till 1:30 and only one class today.  The weathers overcast and blowy today, its still warm though. (I know this blog is two days late but i've been busy and had no photos to decorate it, so the photos below are a bit random)

Sat watching birds held captive in a cage

I met with my new class of freshmen yesterday. I saw them for two sessions, 8 am until 9:40 and then again at 1 30 until 3:10.  Then I also had a new class of teachers to teach.

The freshmen were all very excited, happy and receptive.  This is unlike the 3rd years I have been teaching who are quiet and withdrawn and in some cases sullen. Although I admit I do have one class which is mostly girls which I enjoy teaching, the other classes which are mostly boys sometimes feels like pulling teeth.

My first years though are a different kettle of fish and got involved with all we did. Well they had to because as per usual I had been given the wrong books, so in the first lesson I had to wing it!  But that was mainly taken up with giving them English names talking about myself and the usual introductory stuff and then just getting them to do a few things for me so I could check out the level of the class. And I do have to say that their level of English also seems to be much better than the 3^rd years. Maybe they are doing more in their junior schools now?

My scooter getting an oil change

For the second class I was much more organised and had worked on lesson plans during the time I was off at 9:40 until my 1:30 class.  So for the second class I was prepared.  You Tube is a great resource, especially as these freshmen classes are meant to be focused on listening.  I used a Sesame Street clip of rhyming works then got them to write down as many similar rhyming words as they could which they seemed to enjoy. Then I used the video of Hello by Lionel Richie and got them to answer some questions, and then fill in the missing spaces on a lyric sheet I had prepared for them.  There were 18 blanks to fill in and 1 girl got 16 right, so she won a lollipop.

Lollipops have a huge classroom currency and the new teachers are learning this very quickly. Even amongst the 22 year old surly 3^rd years the chance to win a lollipop gets them hugely motivated and generates big smiles and sparkly eyes from the girls and giggles (from the boys) when someone gets an unexpected lolly.  I learnt this off AJ and Tom and Peggy went to WALMART (yes we have one in Nanjing) and came back loaded for bear with loads of sweets. And in fact I saw students streaming out of Peggy’s class at the end of lessons all clasping sweets and laughing and joking like 6 year olds with a party bag!

Mini 'factories/fabricators' all along the street

What does throw me a little with these students is the sudden and shocking appearance of very hairy armpits on the girls. They all have lovely long dark sleek hair (on their heads btw) most wear it long down their back and it is often nicely trimmed and neat.  But occasionally when a girl is wearing a loose short-sleeved blouse or a short-sleeved top one gets a shocking glimpse of a really hairy pit.  I’ve also seen it with the shop girls and it’s a bit shocking every time.  There is a slight voyeuristic urge as well. But its not in a pervy sexual way, more a ‘MY GOD LOOK AT THAT’ sort of way linked with an urge to march the girl off to the razor counter of Boots or at least its Chinese equivalent and introduce them to the lady shave. And although I have had only the merest glimpse of the hairy pit and not been able to check the hairy mass out it also seems LONG.  Black and very very long.  I know in the West we accuse European women, mainly French women, of having hairy pits, but I really haven’t seen the evidence to prove that. (and no, I'm NOT taking photos of the Chinese girls!)

Strange but true.

 Funky old chair on funky old trike

 An Imperial Honey 100cc

Its the Weekend OM OM OM

Sunday 9:10 am, its sunny with blue skies again, we have been having some pretty days this week. Just back from a run with Peggy.  We do about 3 miles down to the Metro line and back. We run along the road, which is nicely paved, with avenues of trees which we also use for interval training, run ten trees, walk 10 trees, as they are nicely spaced.

I have also mentioned how nicely manicured the environment is and over the last few days all the gaily coloured flags have been removed and teams of workers have been out planting peonies (I think) all along the verge which is now another burst of colour.

Yesterday I took Tom and Peggy, on our bikes to the Temple.  The first objective was to show Tom where the bike mechanic that has a van is and then to find the Temple, which was pretty easy in the end.

The temple at Qixia, this is where people respect their ancestors, there are turtles in the pool

One of the objectives of taking Tom to the Temple was to try and get him to chill out a bit.  Yesterday when I went to get Peggy to go for a run he was having a bit of a turn. Feeling light headed and dizzy.  So Peggy stayed with Tom and didn’t come for the run.  I think that they were near to calling a Doctor. Anyway later when I got back from the run I dropped in as I had bought him a couple of Bananas to help his blood sugar, he had recovered.  He is stressing a bit about his teaching I think.

Tom is an ‘American Businessman’ through and through. A builder that has lost everything in the Great American Crash. A guy that has always been in charge and in control, successful and I guess rich. A house on the Florida coast - on the beach, pool, boats, cars, the sunshine lifestyle and all. Now he has to be a teacher to kids that are ambivalent about English at best and hopeless at worse, but they know they won’t fail cos Daddy will have paid the right people. And he’s finding it difficult finding the right ‘tone’.

I suffered this too in my first weeks. What I have learnt, and what I have talked to Tom about is not only lowering ones expectations about the students and what they can do. But one has to lower ones personal expectations about oneself.  I guess we all want to be good teachers and we all want the kids to learn. But what if the students can’t be arsed to learn and are just going through the motions? I mean I have not seen half of my classes. I have told my leader and he told me he would ‘keep that in his mind’.

Often despite writing lesson plans one simply has to go off script and go with what the class needs.  For example, last week, I realised that my class was having problems with days of the week. Pretty basic stuff.  I get one of my students to come out and write the day and date on the board it was soon apparent that they were having problems. So the majority of the class was spent doing days of the week and months of the year.  This is with 3^rd years students that are graduating this year, 21/22 year olds who should have learnt this in junior school.

So we went to the Temple to take his mind off it a bit, because he seemed to be planning to spend the whole weekend working on schoolwork. Tom is a great ponderer and he needs to work out just what’s going on, so the Temple was an eye-opener to him. He told me that they didn’t have anything like this in the USA. Well I can’t believe that there are no Buddhist temples in the USA and I told him so.

Monks at their lunch, they sang a nice 'prayer' before they ate. 

Peggy took to it straight away and was offering respect to the Buddha’s as we went through the halls. The Temple is also in a national park  

We walked through the Temple then onto the train that leads up through the trees. Many of the trees seem to be Maple or Japanese Acers, they are still green now, but in a few weeks should start to become fantastically coloured.

We walked up the steep slope through ruins of Palaces up to a view point and then onto a tea house, where we had to wake up the ‘caretakers’ they didn’t seem to want to offer us tea, but pointed us upstairs, so up four stories we climbed to the roof to be rewarded with fantastic (if smoggy) views over to the Yangtze river, my first view of the river.  And blow me down we are not a million miles away from it, so we will plan to get there soon, probably on the bikes.

Then it was downhill back to the Temple for a cold drink and away.  Later in the day we watched the Rugby and went to the Metro food market for fried rice and noodles.

On Friday, which was my day off, I mooched off to the local shopping centre and came upon what seemed to be a performance by school kids, set up outside the local supermarket. So I sat there in the sun for a while watching these cute kids dancing, singing, playing instruments – nice and relaxing.

Today I have some school work to do, not too much, but next week sees me doing more hours, I have lost my Tuesday off as that becomes a full day of teaching, as is Monday and Thursday. Wednesday is a couple of hours.  But hey it’s better than what I was doing!!!

Over and Out…………

The roar of the greasepaint the smell of the crowd

Friday morning, 10:20am, its my day off, I’ve just been for a run.  The weather is nice again after the last few chilly days.  We now have blue skies and sunshine and nice warm temperatures.  Running was a bit hard today. We had a foreign teachers dinner last night, put on by our department at the college so I had a few beers, more than is usual for me. 

It was fun, but these things are always put on really early, so it started at about 5:30 and was finished by 7:30.  The younger teachers had plans to go into the city where a bar was offering free beer.  Tom, Peggy and myself retired to the Blue Marlin for a final beer, but I was still home by about 8:30!

I bet you are all desperate to hear about my concert debut.

This is me in makeup! I’m afraid I’m looking a bit ‘Quentin Crisp’, a bit like some pervy old transvestite! Yes that is lip-gloss! We didn’t have much option. We turned up at 5:30 as requested at the stage area (it was outside on the sports field) and were escorted into what I guess we could call the ‘green room’ where we were given a meal and a can of coke. Then we were ushered into the makeup chair. All the dancing girls thought it was hilarious and were all taking our photos on their phones.

The event started at 6:30. All the freshmen were assembled in their uniforms (remember all freshmen have to do a months military training at the start of their first year, this I am told is the States reaction to Tiananmen and the students revolt, make all the students do military training)

The programme was a mix of students doing their turns, singing, Chinese fan dancing, a magician and so on and in between these acts, military choirs from each, i'll call them 'regiments' representing their faculty came up and sang what I can only suppose were patriotic songs, there was a lot of flag waving and socialist realist style stances.

And, of course, there was us.

Rick, an American, in make up....

Stuart, a Canadian in make up.....


 and me. And, if you have stopped laughing you have already seen my picture!

As I think I may have mentioned Rick and Stuart were singing Chinese songs in Chinese, they have worked in China previously and/or have studied Chinese as a degree subject. Stuart has a Chinese girlfriend.  I was singing The House of the Rising Sun, previously made famous by Eric Burden when he was a 15yr old in The Animals.

We were on a bit later in the programme and I enjoyed watching the show and then we were taken out of our seats and stuck in between two columns (choirs) of the student red army.

And then we were on.

I, of course, had dressed for the part. Black jeans, Black shirt, Black jacket and I was wearing my sunglasses (its was dark by now).  We had to introduce ourselves, with an accompanying Chinese translation, plus we had to say a few words of encouragement. In keeping with my ‘turn’ I chose a BB King quote ‘ The beautiful thing about learning is that no one can take it away from you’

Rick was the first one to introduce himself;  “Hi, I’m Rick, I’m an American…. blah blah blah….” Then it was me.

I had the microphone, I threw my fist into the air and screamed “GOOOOOOD EVEEEEEENING NAAAAAANJING!!!!’ – well you have to don’t you? The 4000 students, did I mention there were 4000 freshmen watching us in serried ranks out in the dark on the playing field, plus the assembled guests and many other people milling about.  The 4000 freshmen roared back at me…..erm what I don’t know, I think it was a cheer although I’m sort of pleased that their military training doesn’t involve guns of any sort.

Then Stuart had his turn and we were off singing, first Rick, then me, but strangely they only let us sing half our songs. I did think it was funny that Ricks song didn’t seem as long as it usually did, but cos I was on stage I couldn’t worry about it too much as it was my turn next and it was only when I was launching into the bit that goes,  “Oh Mother, tell your children….” That I was rudely cut off by the compare and then it was Stuart’s turn with his popular Mao song.

And then it was time for a bow, I saluted the military students and we were off. It was great fun and I think all three of us enjoyed it and perhaps we will benefit from our notoriety in the classroom and further afield. In fact Richard, the Foreign Teacher Liaison told me I looked ‘very beautiful’.  This wasn’t a gay come on, it is a common, well not mistake, but just a common way of giving a complement.  Although Richard is a bit, erm, fey, if you know what I mean, although he is married with a child. (On the night in question I tried to take his photo but he panicked and said no because he ‘wasn’t looking beautiful’!)  A lot of the Chinese men are like that and its common for them to have their arms around each other and be a bit touchy feely.

This is Richard....you decide!

Thats me for today....

Got the homesick blues.......

Its Tuesday, nearly 11 am, it’s my day off. But not for long as I have been given more teaching, and this teaching will take place on a Tuesday, with another 8 am start! But I think it might be worth a bit more money for me.

Have been feeling a bit blue with a bit of a bout of homesickness, missing Lucia and Matilda. Too much spare time is probably the culprit and I guess Ill get over it.

The weather has changed. It started to get cool on Saturday and it rained in the evening. Sunday was distinctly chilly when I went for a run and Monday was blooming cold! I believe we are in for a short Autumn before Winter sets in. It was really chilly on my bike and I was wearing a fleece and a jacket.  It’s a bit warmer today, bright but much cooler than last week when it was scorchio!

At last my talents have been recognised and I have been invited to sing my party piece at a party for the freshmen tomorrow. I had to go to a rehearsal yesterday so the could hear what I could do.  I had to resist their suggestion that they provide a backing track. I had to refuse, because I am sure they will not use music in the right key and Ill sound even worse than I do now.  There’s a full rehearsal today at 3:30, which I have to be at so that should be fun.

I do have a full diary at the moment. Tomorrow evening is the freshmen thing, and then Thursday evening is a dinner for all the foreign teachers put on by the department we work in. Oh and tomorrow morning I am being dragged off to the Police Station.  Hopefully this is just for the final bit of getting a resident’s visa rather than an interrogation! And of course watching the Rugby over the weekend.

Time for a bit of bragging:

This is the sort of vehicle parked in the underground car park of my flat.

There’s also a good representation of other Western Luxury cars, Mercs, SUV’s, 4x4’s and so on. Makes my twist n go scooter look a bit lame in comparison.

These are some of my students. My classes should be bigger than this but a lot of the students don’t turn up. I’m photocopying the register today and showing my ‘leader’ to grass up the missing students. They should attend at least 2/3 of the classes if the want to pass otherwise they fail. The catch22 however, is that we cannot fail students.

Talking about the students, in the main they are pretty poor in terms of their English, despite being in college for 3 years, taking English during that time and doing English in their junior and secondary schools.  I was told they were the worst English students in the college.  One class is so bad that yesterday I told them I was taking them back to the beginning to module 1, they told me they were on module 7, but the patently are not understanding what’s going on. So its remedial classes for them.

 This is the bunch that's going remedial

Its very strange that all these students are 21 or 22 years old but they are hugely immature. They act like they are 16 years old and the boys are the worse. They are hugely prone to embarrassment and will cover their faces and giggle like a little girl if I ask them to say something and they can't do it. 

So that's it for today, I'm stuck in waiting for a water delivery, if it ever comes, that is if Richard ordered it in the first place! I think Richard seems to think that all we teachers do is sit in our flats waiting to be asked to do something at the last minute by him. For example, he turned up at my door at 7pm on Sunday evening wanting my degree certificates, which I didn't have and my passport, which I did. This is on top of the emails and the txt messages and telephone calls we get telling us of some last minute message that we have to be somewhere at a certain time to do something. For example is the Teachers meal, I've been told about this on the teachers grapevine, but I haven't been officially invited, I don't know where it is or at what time we have to be somewhere. (This is China!)

Later....

At the temple and the bathhouse

Friday was a good day.  Not as hot as the previous few days, but still humid.  Went for my run and then met AJ at 9:45 outside our college. He took me to another bike repair guy. This one has a van so if we breakdown irreparably by the roadside he can come and pick us up. Then as per usual AJ raced off to another job.

In the meantime I went over to the first bike guy, the one I bought the scooter off for an oil change. I’d done 300k so it was time for the oil to change – 30y (£3 ish). Then I had a walk around the shops in that district – its one of the few areas in Nanjing that allows street stall, apparently they are illegal in the rest of the city.

Then back to my flat. Aj came around at about 12:30 to take me to a Buddhist temple. So it was off past our college, past the new bike man he had shown me which was a bit ironic cos AJ’s exhaust dropped off enroute to the temple. 

Anyway we continued to the temple, AJ’s scooter sounding like a full bore formula 1 motorbike.  Being in his slipstream was deafening.  At the temple we bought some candles and things that were not quite incense sticks but more like smoke sticks.

The temple itself was fantastic. As you can see from the pictures there were some really beautiful and old statues of Lord Buddha. We lit our candles, waved the smoke sticks to the North, South East and West and paid our obeisance’s to the deities.  We didn’t really see half of it and it will be worth going back.

Then off to the bathhouse, which fortunately was next to another bike repairman. In fact it was the bike shop where AJ had bought his exhaust pipe so it was fortuitous.  So we left the bike there to be fixed while we were wallowing.

We swapped our shoes for flip-flops and a locker key.  Once in side we stripped naked (don’t linger on that thought) and had a shower.  In the main room was a deep bath, like the ones I used to have when playing rugby before health and safety made us all have showers.  There was also a massage type table. It was onto this that AJ jumped after the shower. I slid into the hot waters of the bath.

Once on the table a guy uses a rough glove thing and gives you a rigorous rub down ALL over. Then before he turns you over sluices you off with hot water from the bath.  Then it was my turn.  I must admit it was nice as he sloughed 57 years of dead skin off my body. Then it was another shower and off to the pub for a pint.

The place was a bit shoddy and was clearly meant for locals not tourists or westerners, which accounts for the fact it only cost 20y.  But I enjoyed it. There was also a sauna, which we didn’t use, but I will when it gets a bit cooler here.

At the Blue Marlin, the Rugby was on and many of the teachers turned up. Later, with Peggy and Tom I went down to the local Metro forecourt where loads of food stalls set up after about 5pm and had a great plate of egg fried rice. Tom had noodles and some meat kebab things. It was nice and cost 5y. (50p)

Tom waiting patiently 

Just been for a run (Saturday) and off for a coffee with Tom and Peggy after a shower. Then Rugby later in the Blue Marlin!

The Welcome concert

Nanjing 8:25am Friday, just back from a run.  It’s muggy and misty, but cooler than yesterday.  My god yesterday was HOT. Wednesday was about 34c and yesterday was hotter. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky and it was burning. The girls were all under umbrellas’ and I was sweating my guts out. It didn’t help that I was teaching from 8am to 15:10 in the afternoon. No cooling in the classrooms except for the windows being open and the roof fans turning.  My liquid intake is huge and most of the liquid is exiting as sweat, if you catch my drift.

I guess you are all waiting to hear about my singing debut.  The event was a welcome put on for the new foreign teachers by the students at the college. Not the freshmen (1^st years) as they poor devils are being marched around the campus under the unmercyless sun doing their military training.  They seem to start even before I got there on Thursday, which was about 7:15, and they were still at it after I had left at about 3:30.

We were asked to be in the office at about 17:00 Wednesday evening where we were to be given a meal. It was a pretty weak event. AJ told me that last year all the teachers were taken to a nice restaurant and treated to a nice meal. My special take away vegetarian meal consisting of rice, two fried eggs, lotus root and some other stuff was taken in my office with AJ for company. The other teachers took theirs in their office too. The food was mediocre.

Then we had to be in the students building at 6ish. I was a bit early. I was sat in the front row, where piles of sweets, biscuits, water and a flappy clapper thing were laid out for us. We were treated to a student band setting up; lots of chords, feedback and the drummer bashing his drums somewhat randomly, typical teenage rock n roll stuff.  This seemed to go on for quite a bit.  Other students and members of staff wandered in and at last the rest of the foreign teachers turned up too.

As we settled, the band struck up a noisy tune; the singer sang his song off pieces of paper he had in his hand, losing his place regularly.  They played the one song and left the stage. The feedback was more entertaining, but they tried so well done.

Then a young female student introduced the senior members of staff, the dean and so on.  Then we had to file onto the stage and introduce ourselves. Once that was over the entertainment began.

First up a pair of body poppers al New York circa 1970’s

Then a comedy routine in Chinese.

Then Rick doing a Chinese song in Chinese to great acclaim – he was loving it.

Then Peggy read a poem

And this student sang a very nice song in english to his teacher, it was sweet and he had a great voice and haircut to match

Then Todd who did Bye Bye American Pie but lost it before the verse.

I was sitting next to one of the lead Chinese teachers and it turned out that she didn’t realise that we had all been asked to have something to perform. They had a set list with Rick and Peggy other teachers on it, but Stuart and I (Stuart, a Canadian teacher) were not on the set list.  So as Todd faltered, Stuart was ushered onto the stage where he did a very popular song about Mao in Chinese again to much acclaim. Then I hustled onto the stage and did The House of the Rising Sun which went well I think, (no pics but Tom may have video) the other teachers thought so and Mrs Wu (I think that’s her name) has booked me and Stuart for another student thing next week (maybe tic)

Then the student compare gave us an impromptu piano recital, as she wasn’t on the set list either.  Another guest did a traditional fan dance, which seemed to incorporate kung fu moves and was really good, despite a few hiccups at the beginning. The stage was carpeted and was tripping her and she had to move to the hard floor.

In other news, two more disasters have befallen me.

1.     I dropped my camera and damaged the lens, fortunately the filter took the brunt of the damage so the camera is still working – hence the pictures above.

2.     My lodger has given her notice to leave, more a hassle than a disaster, so I have to post my room again on gumtree.

Other good (?) news is I have been given more teaching. Currently I only have 12 hrs and I am contracted for 16 so they are making up my hours, but they are giving me more so I’ll get paid the difference.  There doesn’t seem to be any option.

Later today AJ is taking me to a traditional bathhouse.  (no its not a brothel by any other name, AJ is married thank you very much)

I’ll report back.

PS woohoo its the weekend! And England are playing in the rugby world cup!

At the Medical centre.....

Nanjing 9:00 am. The sky is blue (duck eggish), the sun is out, its hot, I’ve been for a run.

Back to work today, first day since last Thursday. It’s been the holidays. At times in the evening it sounds like I am living in Beirut in the mid 70’s (is that date right? – but you know what I mean). The sky is full of fireworks, the Chinese love their fireworks, and so they should as they invented them.  It was the full moon the other day, and the holiday where they eat moon cake is linked to the full moon, so the shoot fireworks in celebration. I gave my moon cakes, given to me as a gift by the college, to the guard on the gate, he seemed pleased and now raises the gate for me before I even have to catch his eye and I get a big smile.

Yesterday was fun. I had to go to the clinic for a full medical. Despite the fact I paid £80 for a medical in the UK so I could get my visa to come to China, this wasn’t enough for the local authorities so I could get my residents visa. (so top tip - bring as much medical info as you can if you are coming to China)  So at 8am yesterday I met up with two Americans, Rick and Todd for the trip into the city. Richard, the international liaison guy at the college turned up with a minibus and we were driven the 1hr to the clinic.

At the clinic we had to fill in forms and because Richard had forgotten our passport photos (TIC) we had to sit in the machine and have them taken again. Richard had to stump up 20y for me as I only had 100y notes.  Then we went upstairs for the various checks. As you can expect, I had to have everything checked, whereas Rick and Todd only had to have a few tests as they had bought some of their original documents with them, ECG’s and the like. I hadn’t been told I need any of this here. All I was told in the UK was to get the Doctor to fill the form in, sign it and stamp it, and that was what I had done.

Anyway, we ended up in a corridor with lots of different doors, with lots of different signs, ECG, Dental, Medical, Scan, ENT, and so on.  I started off at Dental.  Well the examination was pretty negligible.  No latex gloves but he unwrapped a wooden tongue depressor and clicked it quickly around my teeth and I was off.  Next was the Optician. I was sat in front of a sign full of E’s, M’s, and W’s that was quickly rattled off, she had a quick look in my eyes and checked my colour vision and onwards.

Next was blood.  I had already checked that the needle was going to be a new one; I was sharing with no one! They swabbed me with iodine then took half an armful (old joke) in the blink of an eye. I was well onto the conveyor belt now.  Next was the doctor for height, weight, blood pressure (probably up!) and a listen to my chest.

Across the corridor for the ultrasound, stuff smeared all over my belly and off, fortunately it seems I’m not pregnant!  On another couch across the corridor I was wired up, big clips on both wrists and one ankle. Suckers attached to my chest – seems I’m alive - good.  Then a quick blast of X-rays into my chest and we were finished.

All of the examinations were done at top speed and as I have noted were all pretty negligible. Some like the ENT seemed only to check that we actually did have ears a nose and a throat, that’s how basic it was.  Richard told us that the examination cost the College some 350y per exam and that it was a bit of a money making racket for the local authority. There was no real rhyme or reason as to why any of us where chosen. Todd was told his American documents were copies and were therefore not suitable. Todd’s documents were clearly the originals, but TIC!

I spent the rest of the day working at the computer getting my teaching programme up to date.

The good news is that I have sorted my problem out with Amazon re my broken Kindle. I had heard that I could not send electronic items out of China (slightly ironic as most of them are made here). I confirmed this with the local DHL office via the phone, they have English speaking reps. However, they clarified the rules for me and told me that electronic goods can be send but all batteries must be removed. 

So it was onto Google to see how to remove the battery. 

 This is the road, by the bus stop, by my flat. The flags are out to welcome the new students. They all advertise a mobile phone company, the are on all the verges around here.

 Underground shopping mall hell in Nanjing City, I was there with other teachers, I lasted 10 minutes, they were looking at shoes!!!

I went here instead

This is the queue to get money put on my Metro card.

Then as it was about 4 ish (on Monday)  and I had had no lunch I searched out a local noodle place and a another plate of noodles and chilli sauce - yum. I better take a photo soon to show you.

Tonight at the College, we are having an event, dinner with the Chinese teachers, then introduced to the Freshmen, I think (tic) , we have been asked to perform!

I'm gonna sing!!!!!!

My one and only party piece only not quite as good as this (and this guy was only 15 when he sang this)

 I'll report back next time.